Wittiest comebacks in retail pharmacy

This morning I am not scheduled to work, so I decided to look around the blogosphere and find some retail pharmacy blogs.  They are the funniest ones after all constantly reminding us all what assholes the general public is today.  Without further ado here is a good one.  The Angriest Pharmacist posts about receiving a fax from a CUSTOMER to refill his meds.  I probably in my passive-aggressive style would have personally played the blonde card and pretended the fax was broken and that I didn't get the fax.  Then, I would have probably continued on to do more things to have my own satisfaction internally at watching an asshole customer squirm.  These are some of the reasons I left the retail world.  I wanted to personally choke about 30% of my customers. Case-in-point, one of my favorite top three stories from retail occurred at the same store while floating that the gay man visited in my previous post.  A man walks in holding his five year old son and asks me to refill his son's albuterol nebules for his breathing treatments.  Of course, the man has TennCare.  Don't you just miss TennCare pharmacists in Tennessee?  What a crock of shit.  Anyway, I submit the claim online, as we do immediately to file for coverage, get the copay, etc... and lo and behold this man had JUST refilled it a few days ago.

"Sir, I submitted your claim through your insurance."  Keep in mind here that I didn't say TennCare.  I could have done that.  Still staying professional.  "Unfortunately, it was just refilled a week ago, and because the doctor's directions specify a certain number of days per refill, your insurance will not cover the cost this time."  I always hated that explanation.  I hated that I HAD to represent the thousands of insurance companies out there telling them why FOR the companies.  Toward the end of my 3 year tenure in retail, I learned to plaster a face on that basically said, "These insurance companies are so..." and then I would proceed to dial the phone number to the company and get a rep on the phone and then HAND THE PHONE TO THE CUSTOMER for any questions about the copay, when it was last filled, etc...  I got to the point where I would actually say, "Ma'am, I'm sorry.  I work for (Drugstore).  I'm not familiar with the thousands of insurance plans out there.  Can I dial your insurance company for you as I really have no information about your insurance that YOU pay for..."

Anyway, I digress, the man holding his son wanting his albuterol refilled raised his voice immediately and going into what I called "Bulldog Stance."  "WHAT?!  It's not going to cover it?  Little Johnny NEEDS his BREATHING treatment for his ASTHMA!"  Customers nearby start to notice his loud mouth.  He's trying to draw them in for backing of sympathy.

I had none.  "Sir, I'll be glad to ring this up for you - cash price is $21.00."

"I am NOT paying for it!!!!  It's supposed to be covered."  He is obviously enraged.  I had a certifiable nutcase.  Great.

"Sir, once again.  I don't know how else to explain it but to get TennCare on the phone to explain it to you.  I don't work for them and only submit the claim where they decide to approve or deny.  They are stating via computer, "TOO SOON."  I look sympathetically at his son in his arms.  Too big to be carried, but he's witnessing his Dad's total ASS-OUT.

"I cannot beLIEVE you will not fill that prescription."

"Sir, I filled your prescription.  It's right here.  YOUR INSURANCE WILL NOT COVER IT.  I will gladly ring it up for cash price and you can call your insurance company and file it at home if you wish."  Here we go.  Now I'm not filling the rx.  Yep, that's right.

He's ranting and raving and as he does so he must be squeezing his child tighter because the child wimpers, "Daddy, you are hurting me..."

He looked at his child and then at me, even go as far as pointing one of his fingers at me, "No son, I am not hurting you.  SHE is."

I immediately said, "What am I doing over here?  A Jedi mind trick for you to squeeze your child because you are being completely irrational and not listening to me about the insurance that you own, not me?  UNREAL."  I put his prescription in the bins again turning my back on him.

"I WILL HAVE YOUR JOB; I WILL TALK TO YOUR BOSS!!"  He's livid at this point and the crowd about him seems to realize that he's a nutcase as well and throws me sympathy looks.

"I really could care less about this job and having to deal with people like you."  This is where I lost it.  He stares at me and I continue, "But I want to congratulate you on giving everyone, including your son, a fine performance of how to be an asshole."  And then, no I didn't.  I CLAPPED.

I kind of realized then it was time for me to move on.  Retail wasn't for me anymore.  I'd get myself shot.